Sometimes I wonder why I’m not making something at any given moment. I seem to spend an awful lot of time doing…nothing. Or rather, doing things that aren’t doing anything. Like watching telly or surfing the ‘net; reading weblogs and such.
Even while I’m doing it, I’ll be thinking: why am I doing this? Why aren’t I sewing or drawing or painting?? What is stopping me? After all, I love doing those things. So why do I “waste” time doing those other, unproductive things??
Is it some kind of procrastinating? Or a way of avoiding doing those creative things?
If it’s the latter, then why? Why would I need to avoid making stuff? I can understand if it was cleaning or laundry I was putting off (which I do too, but that’s a different matter). So I spend all this time doing nothing, yet thinking of the things I should be doing – WANT to be doing. But I don’t do them.
I wonder if it’s some kind of defense mechanism: I’m afraid that the things I do will suck, so it’s better not to do them at all?? But I know that’s not true. On the contrary, the more I do of that stuff, the better I will get at doing it.
I can see that in my drawings. In the last six months, my drawing has improved a lot. I should just get on with it. Do the things I love doing. And not think so much about the result. Some of it will suck and some of it will be great.